Saturday, November 28, 2009

Minor Inconvenience of the Week

Dishes

This is not to say actually washing the dishes by hand. That would be a major inconvenience. No, I have a dishwasher; one that is always full of clean dishes. I'm left with a huge stack of dirty dishes on the counter above the dishwasher. Why? The minor inconvenience of unloading the clean dishes followed by the equally inconvenient need to place the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. It's just oh so much easier to stack them on the counter...or the light stand next to the couch...or in a neat little pile of cereal bowls by the keyboard.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Random Thoughts, Observations and Hardly Worthy Trivia From the Last 7 Days

I'm always trying to come up with something interesting so here's another stab at it. Sometimes I forget to look around and take note of the world outside. This is a little exercise to keep me in the habit. These are the random, trivial and unnecessary thoughts and observations for the week gone by.
  1. My apartment is small enough that I can vacuum the entire floorspace without unplugging the vacuum.
  2. There is a Kmart just across the way in Bellflower - you heard me - a KMART!
  3. Though I never assumed they were, my small plates are definitely not unbreakable.
  4. I bought my first pair of carpenter jeans and have been pleasantly surprised though I still cannot conceive of when I'll use the hammer loop.
  5. Apparently I'm a natural public speaker (I neglect to mention to those saying this that it took a few years to be that natural).
  6. From Saturday night's party:
  • I'm still not good with parties involving loud, thumping music.
  • I'm still not much good with the ladies either.
  • Dancing might help.
  • The evidence suggests that the Vietnamese words for 'I'm going to puke' sound amazingly like the actual act of vomiting.
  • Who knew there was so much entertainment value in watching someone vomit (and their loving man cleaning up, oh, and people taking pictures and video of all of it).
Do not adjust your screen - that's party haze you're looking through.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Minor Inconvenience

I've been listening to and watching a great deal of stand-up comedy lately. This started about a year ago when I was in New York visiting a couple friends. One of these friends, someone I'd always noted as one of the funniest people I'd known, was talking about standup she'd seen and SNL skits she loved and comedies she adored. I realized I had no clue what she was talking about and wondered if I wasn't missing something. What had I become? Was I a lifeless dullard? Where was the funny (other than the nonsense that is my work)? Here my friend was talking about doing a stand-up routine on open mike night and I hadn't even watched an HBO comedy special in years.

Later, I bought a vehicle with Sirius radio and its collection of comedy channels. Now, hardly a day goes by when I don't flip over to the Blue Collar Comedy channel at some point in my commute. I think my life is better for it. Thank you, Jill.

Anyway, the point of all this is that having listened to so many acts I realize the key is to have a gimmick, a theme, a catchphrase or what have you. Jeff Foxworthy has his redneck jokes. Bill Engvall has his sign. John Pinnette has his food. I'm not a comedian, but I am an itinerant blogger that rambles across the subjects without any mooring. Perhaps I too need a regular piece of material that speaks to me and thus to you, dear reader.

After some thought I realized I had the perfect topic - minor inconveniences. Truth be told, I may have stole this idea, but what good writer or comedian doesn't steal from others here and there. (Thank you, Joanne!).

I hold in high regard what I call the law minor of inconvenience. For those of you around a couple years ago I have nine other laws. The law of minor inconvenience holds that there are any number of things I dread doing, avoid doing and simply won't do because of some minor inconvenience. For instance, I almost didn't write this owing to the minor inconvenience of typing the word 'inconvenience'. I've built up the motivation to overcome that obstacle and here attempt what I hope to become a regular feature - simply, easy and with endless examples:

Minor Inconvenience of the Week:

Opening and closing the copier lid. (Thank you again Joanne.)

It is a disheartening feeling when I realize the copies I need to make can't be run through the automatic feeder on the copier. I'm left with lifting the cover, placing my original, shutting the lid, pressing the green button, lifting again, removing the original.......just thinking about it makes me die a little inside. If my original has random staples, binding or is of an unnatural size it'll sit there on the desk all day only to be copied at the last possible moment - or never if the problem requiring the copying somehow takes care of itself (but when I'm ever that lucky?).

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Truth


I am an unrepentant fan of Terry Pratchett. I'll tear threw his books almost as fast as I can move my eyes across the page. I do so because somewhere in each one I'll find some little gem that makes me laugh myself silly or touches on some bit of truth or both. For anyone that's read Small Gods the phrase "Oh, my god!" takes on a delightful new meaning.

Last night I cruised through several dozen pages of Pratchett's latest book, Unseen Academicals. I found one of those little gems.
Truth is female, since truth is beauty rather than handsomeness; this, Ridcully reflected as the Council grumbled in, would certainly explain the saying that a lie could run around the world before Truth has got its, correction, her boots on, since she would have to choose which pair - the idea that any woman in a position to choose would have just one pair of boots being beyond rational belief. Indeed, as a goddess she would have lots of shoes, and thus many choices: comfy shoes for home truths, hobnail boots for unpleasant truths, simple clogs for universal truths and possibly some kind of slipper for self-evident truth. More important right now was what kind of truth he was going to have to impart to his colleagues, and he decided not on the whole truth, but instead on nothing but the truth, which dispensed with the need for honesty.
Later, Truth selects a pair of black leather stillettos - the topic: the quality of Anhk-Morpork pies (if your scratching your head, I'll lend you a book or two to get you started).